I got this in email from The Brat Factor and thought it was cute...
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mum, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent
work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organ-
izational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24
hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
For the rest of your life you must:
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until
someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in
case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone
just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair,mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half
million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality
of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for
personal growth, unconditional love,and free hugs and kisses
for life if you play your cards right.
PARENTS in appreciation for everything you do on a daily basis,
please know that you are appreciated for the fabulous job you do.
** THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!